The moment I was inches close to achieve my life long dream, I was pulled back in the bog called “Family“.
Note – Men, please don’t even try to relate or sympathize to my situation because you can’t.
Today when I was struggling to sleep peacefully in my room I realized what I have lost,… not a family, not a person, but my life long dream to achieve something in my life and to build my career beside all obstacles trying to stop me.
But today, life knocked me out and trapped me in the big bog called”Family”. People call me selfish for not being able to devote much time for the family but I still say, kudos to myself for doing good in my career being a mother and setting an example in my community.
I have realized that the male dominated society treats the word called “Women Empowerment” like a nuclear bomb. If we become empowered or try to become one, we are treated as a threat to other women in the society and for the upcoming generation. Are we?
I would like to tell the world today that “empowerment” does not mean a material gain in status or influence, but a feeling of inner potency.
Dear life, you must have stopped me from achieving my dreams and defusing the nuclear bomb, but I’m still empowered, and will always be…
This is another chapter of my life and motherhood that I want my son “Raunak” to know and learn a lesson out of this, for the lifetime.
As I opened my blog after months, I realized that time really flies by so fast. Raunak (Now known as Rudra Choudhary in school) is 3 years old now and goes to school too.
To mark this 3 years journey, I wrote a letter on his 3rd Birthday, which was on 5th January 2016. Today I realized that it would be difficult for me to save that letter on paper for years. Therefore, I decided to pen it on my blog so that it can stay on the web forever…
Dear Raunak (Rudra),
You are 3 years old today and it still seems yesterday when you came in my world. I cannot express in words that how much I love you and care for you. Some people say you like your father and the others say you look like me (as you have dimples like me on your cheeks). It’s your love and affection that gives me strength to be a successful working mother. Whenever I feel sad or depressed in office, I just open my Google photos and starts viewing your pictures when you happen to be so tiny with soft hands, chubby cheeks, round eyes, and you saying Mumma in videos.
I love it when you sleep in the night with your head on my side and foots on your dad’s side (sometimes on face). He always calls you “mumma ka beta” as you always sleep with me and not him at night.
I don’t have many words to express my feelings and I can’t stop tears rolling out of my eyes while writing this letter to you. I am with you today and want to spend rest of my lyf seeing you grow up, dance, sing, and enjoy life.
I may not be good at cooking but tried my best to cook for your family, just to see you proudly saying, my wife cooked it.
I spent the whole day preparing for the dinner as per your choice, still you took them out thinking that my food may embarrass you.
Why was I always made to doubt my own opinion even if I was right?
Why is it against the rights of a wife to be angry with him, to stop him when he was slapping me, to speak to my family about the abuse?
Why was it always my fault for every problem?
Now I think it was really my fault that I learned to be quiet!
Are relationships all about compromising and being quiet?
I don’t get it. I just don’t.
Where is it written in the history of time that women have to be the ones to bow, bend and serve while men get to walk around with their chins up?
In this male dominating society, a lot of women must have been through the same situation, having tears in eyes and still smiling. They are always expected to stop dressing the way they want, stop talking to the friends with whom they can share everything, stop eating what they want, and much more.
And then Raunak was born on 5th January 2013. The day was very cold. I was waiting for my husband to come and see his son. When he came, our eyes were in tears.
That day changed my life, from waking up early in the morning (to do all the home tasks before he is awake) to stay awake the whole night to let him sleep whenever he got a high fever.
And then the day came when I decided to join the office as it was also important (or needed) for me. Raunak was 3 months old at that time. Initially, I use to cry in the office washroom after hearing his cries over the phone. It was very tough for me.
After some time, I began working even harder to complete my work on time and rush to home to pick him up in my arms. It became a routine and both of us became habitual to this. Relatives us to come and show their grievances, leaving me in depression for one or two days. And then I was back to normal.
Offices changed, but the situation remained the same. My story of struggling use to make my colleagues dicey about getting married. But it is the way life is all about.
Raunak is of 2 years now and the routine is still the same. I woke up in the morning and the moment I step up, he laughs and shouts, Milk… with both his hands up. We then bath together and cooks food together (he stays with me on the kitchen slip till I am done with cooking).
Life is so good now and I try to enjoy each and every moment with Raunak.